


A Childish Evening

by CharmmyColour, LonelyLittleShips



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Co-Written, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Miscommunication, Movie Night, Panic Attacks, Popcorn, Pre-Slash, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29469606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharmmyColour/pseuds/CharmmyColour, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyLittleShips/pseuds/LonelyLittleShips
Summary: When Dakota accedentaly interrupts Cavendish indulging in some secret childish hobbies neither of them know how to react. Miscommunication abounds as they try to sort it out and deal with their own, and each other's, emotions.
Relationships: Balthazar Cavendish & Vinnie Dakota, Balthazar Cavendish/Vinnie Dakota
Comments: 16
Kudos: 47
Collections: Team Cavota





	1. Discovered

Dakota was headed for the bowling alley. It was Friday, the day that he and Dr. Doofenshmirtz had agreed would be their hangout day. They didn’t meet up every week, but they tried to hang out at least a few times a month. 

Their friendship was much healthier now that things were settled with both their partners. Of course it was rife with competition and banter, with bragging and showboating. They did still get on each other's nerves quite a bit at times, but Dakota had just started deflecting whenever he was too annoyed. 

They were at the bowling alley this week; it was where they hung out most often (though honestly Dakota was quite surprised Doof hadn’t been banned after the last -inator incident) and where they tended to be their most competitive. 

They had eaten their dinner and barely gotten started with the game when Doof's phone rang. “Good thing I’ve got vibration on, it's so loud in here.” He said before answering, “Oh it’s Vanessa.” Dakota paused from choosing a ball. Vanessa had never called during _boys night._ He watched closely. The Dr. went stiff, then his eyes went wide. _Something’s up._

Dakota listened as Doof asked questions like “When?” and “How bad?” before finally “Okay, sweetie, just calm down, I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Doof was trying to sound comforting, but he couldn’t hide the fact that whatever she’d said was clearly serious. 

“You gotta cut it short?” He asked as Doof turned to him, looking near panic. “Don’t worry ’bout it, fill me in later or whatever.” 

Without so much as a word the slouchy scientist took off like a bat outta hell. Dakota sighed and left the bowling alley after finishing his turn. He’d been winning too. 

He turned in his shoes and headed out. He wondered what Cavendish would say about him being home so early. He really should call and let him know, his partner really didn’t deal well with the unexpected. As he walked to the van he pulled out his crappy, cheap phone, the screen was black. “I really need to replace this thing.” He grumbled. 

There was no point in trying to charge it while driving, he couldn't call while driving anyway. 

_Sorry Cav, guess it’ll be a surprise._

\---------------------

Cavendish glanced at the door for the last of what had already been too many times, reassuring himself again that no one was home at the moment. It should be alright, he knew that; Dakota would be out another two hours at the very least, and he usually ran late after going to the bowling alley anyway. Cavendish didn’t need to worry about being interrupted.

Of course, that was something his brain knew, but his body refused to believe.

The Brit took a deep breath and sank on the couch. Everything was set in for the night already, so at this point he should just go ahead with it. It had been quite a while since the last time he had the opportunity to have one of his special evenings, but with Dakota around it had become difficult to find the moment. Of course, he really couldn’t complain about having Dakota around, but…the shorter man would not understand it. This was far too shameful to admit.

Regardless, Cavendish wanted to enjoy his chance and by Jove he would. He looked down at his cartoon shirt (which he had “borrowed” from Dakota with all the honest intention to return, but as time went on it became more and more impossible to find a way to without his anxiety flaring up) and ran a finger over the soft fabric, enjoying how comfortably the oversized clothes felt over his thin body. Feeling better, Cavendish put a colorful, plush blanket over himself and cuddled with Dennis; only his pastel striped socks peeking from the bottom of it. 

Then, he took the remote and pressed Play.

 _Cars 2_. Oh, Dakota would NEVER stop mocking him about this if he learned he loved that movie! Or cartoons, in general. Or plush blankets. Or oversized clothes and silly socks…or carelessly passing a hand all over his hair, messing it up and letting it fall free over his forehead for once. It wasn’t that Cavendish pretended to like his usual tidy appearance, he genuinely adored it. But sometimes, when the pressure of the adult world was too much and his anxiety was too strong, it was nice to just sit and watch a movie about spy cars and cuddle with a plushie.

There was some candy on the side table that he had hidden from his partner for weeks. Cavendish took one and put it in his mouth, smiling softly and giggling at one of the movie scenes. He had been very anxious about the setup some minutes ago, but now he only wanted to bask in the cozy feeling for the rest of the evening.

Kissing Dennis on the snout, the Brit snuzzled on the couch and let the colorful effects of the movie be the only thing lighting the room.

\---------------------

Dakota tromped up the steps to their tiny office/apartment. He was disappointed that Doof had to leave, and hoped it wasn’t anything too serious after all, but spending a quiet night with his partner was never something he would protest to. He got to the door and turned the knob, only to find it locked. His brow furrowed, that was odd, even with his nervous personality Cavendish usually didn't lock the door, at least not before sunset. 

He pulled out his keys and quickly turned the fussy lock. As he entered several things hit him all at once. The TV was on surprisingly loud, the main overhead light was off, and there was a strange bundle on the couch. “Uhh...Hey Cav?” The space was small and as he took a few steps in and his eyes adjusted he realized the couch-bundle _was_ Cavendish. 

His partner was staring at him with a look of wide-eyed horror, as if Dakota himself were a ghost or eldritch horror. He chuckled nervously, “Uh...hey buddy, what’s…?” He trailed off as he took in how completely...odd Cavendish looked. He felt his face scrunch in confusion and he glanced at the TV, it took him a second to pinpoint the movie _Cars 2._

He looked at his partner again. His messy hair, his fuzzy socks...he was holding Dennis, and wrapped in a colourful blanket. 

Oh no. 

Oh no. 

Clearly Cavendish was indulging in...well he wasn’t sure what exactly but it made sense really, the man was so uptight, he had to let loose _sometime_ . Knowing the Brit, had to be completely mortified at being found out like this, and he was most likely panicking right now. _Okay think, think, what do I do to reassure him that I’m totally chill with this? FOOD! He’s having a movie night! I’ll make some popcorn ’n get in my jammies and hopefully he’ll realize it’s okay._

He got to it. “I’ll be right back, this totally calls for popcorn!” He tried to sound casual, but his throat felt tight. Poor Cav. Guilt spiked through him. He was _definitely_ getting that new phone. He put a bag of popcorn in the microwave and went to get changed. 

The Italian was a little disappointed when he couldn't find his favourite old Pokémon shirt, so he settled for his Ninja Turtle one. 

His timing was perfect and the microwave beeped just as he got to it. 

Dakota plopped down with the bowl, careful not to spill, (though it wasn’t as if Cav was in any mind to chide him right now, it was better to avoid anything that would potentially stress his partner any more) “Hey Cav, the popcorn is extra buttery!” Normally Cavendish wouldn't touch the stuff, but Dakota knew well enough how indulging worked, and he did know that Cav actually _liked_ buttery popcorn, he just held back normally, as he did with many things. 

\---------------------

When Cavendish realized someone was unlocking the door, it was already too late.

Suddenly, Dakota was there, and he was _staring_ at him, and he was saying _something_ , but Cavendish couldn’t make sense of a single word. 

Dakota was there, Dakota was there, Dakota was there. Which meant…

He _knew_.

He knew, and there was no excuse Cavendish could come with that would explain what he was doing alone in the dark, covered in soft fabrics, with a teddy bear and watching _Cars 2_ of all movies. Dakota knew. Dakota knew now that Cavendish indulged in these strange evenings on his own, and was surely still trying to process the ridiculous, shameful picture in front of him. If Cavendish could somehow cease to exist at that exact moment, he would.

He tried to talk, maybe ease the damage to his image a little, but his lips didn’t move at all. His whole body was paralyzed, only wide eyes staring at Dakota filled with pure horror. The fear of rejection grew quickly on his chest until it swallowed his whole being into a dark, deep pit of self-hate.

What was Dakota thinking about him? That he was pathetic, laughable and amusingly embarrassing, for sure. That he was inmature, stupid, simple, inane, sappy and a complete dissapointing of a person. An embarrassment. A disaster. A hassle. A mistake. _A failure_. 

_He hates me, he hates me, he hates me, he hates me, he hates me…_

Now Dakota glanced at the TV, and now his face scrunched, and Cavendish was _positive_ his partner was thinking of all the ways he would mock the situation. His breathing was suddenly speeding up, and the sound of his own heart was soon thumping in his ear so loudly it drowned everything else with the pain. The room around Cavendish felt like it was expanding, growing and fading away in the dark, until everything else felt distant, cold and icy. 

The voices of the characters in the movie turned into horrific screeches, the warm colors of the room distorted into melting, disgusting hues; and the previous soft texture of the blanket and the shirt were now like cold needles poking at his skin. Every hair on Dennis’ fur felt like a spike making his flesh bleed, but Cavendish clung to him regardless, finding some kind of comfort in the pain. It was something, it was something, and something was better than the empty, dead _void_ that was tugging him in all directions right now.

Dakota was gone. He said something about popcorn, or at least Cavendish thought he did. What did it matter, now that Dakota hated him?

The Brit hugged his knees tightly and a dreadful, completely silent scream resonated all inside him. He didn’t make any sound, but it kept echoing in his mind as he furiously bit his fingers (nail-biting, another disgusting flaw of his). As nothing of the nail was left anymore due the constant picking, Cavendish simply resorted to biting the skin. His eyes felt warm, and his face was burning. He wasn’t sure if he had started to cry.

_Failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure…._

There was a beep, and a strong smell (too strong) and then Dakota was back. He was saying something again, but his voice was only static through the high-pitched yells invading Cavendish’s mind. Well, he had to face the consequences of his actions now, didn’t he? He was a complete idiot for setting the whole thing, and he deserved whatever Dakota was going to tell him now. Everything was true, after all. Cavendish was stupid and childish, and _deserved_ to be hated.

Biting his fingers so aggressively that they started to bleed, he simply turned over Dakota and left a choked sob. Vinnie was there on the couch, but Cavendish was too distressed to notice anything else. Convinced he was going to be either scolded, laughed at or degraded, he simply closed his eyes and waited.

That was fine.

He _deserved_ it.

\---------------------

Dakota carefully glanced at his partner. This was bad. This was _very_ bad. He noticed Cavendish chewing at his fingers and resisted the urge to stop him. 

_Okay. Deep breaths. He’ll be okay, gotta make it a little better._

He lowered the volume and brightness on the TV but didn’t stop the movie entirely. He looked at the popcorn bowl...when did it get so empty? He knew not to touch, not to yell, definitely not yell. He was never sure how to handle this kind of thing, no matter how many times it happened. 

He felt sick with guilt that he was the cause of it. 

“Cav...hey, no, can you...at least not bite so hard? You’re getting blood on Dennis…” The whisper was more for himself than his partner. He felt so helpless. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to make it better, he wanted to apologize for not calling first, he could have just borrowed a phone, or used a payphone (those still existed in this time period, he was sure of it). He should have made sure his phone was charged. Something, anything. “I’m so sorry...I’m sorry Cav, I didn’t mean to.” 

Cavendish opened his eyes slowly and blinked once, twice, several times in a row. His gaze was glassy and confused, like he didn’t understand what was happening.

And he didn’t! Why was Dakota whispering? Why wasn’t he laughing, or screaming, or belittling him? He was sure Dakota was apologizing now, but _why?_

Cavendish softened his chewing a little and tried to talk, but he only managed to produce a sob. He _needed_ to know why Dakota was apologizing, but he couldn’t talk. Maybe a gesture would help? He carefully retired the hand from his mouth and timidly pointed at Dakota.

Dakota’s eyes widened in surprise. He couldn’t help the smile of relief he felt that his partner was making an effort to communicate. “Me? What about me? I’m okay Cav, I just feel really bad for bargin’ in on ya.” He explained softly. “Or maybe yer pointin’ at my shirt? I couldn’t find my pokémon one.” He knew he was babbling more than he needed to, but where Cavendish tended to get quiet in his anxiety, Dakota became more chatty. 

Cavendish breathing steadied ever so slightly. _Oh, so he thinks he made me ups…?_

_…_

_The shirt._

Cavendish looked down. He knew where that shirt was, he knew _perfectly_. He was wearing it, right now. Suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breathe at all. Now not only Dakota knew about his secret, but also that he was taking his clothes and wearing them himself like some kind of creep! 

All the sound turned into static and Cavendish started shaking violently, digging his fingers into Dennis so strongly it was probably tearing some fabric apart.

“Oh no, hey, hey, it’s okay, Cav, I donno what you’re so upset about but it’s really okay! Take it easy, you don't wanna hurt Dennis do ya?” Dakota was at a complete loss as to what might have made Cavendish panic so badly? 

It was when he had mentioned the shirt. The shirt that was _missing._

Had Cavendish done something with it? He did complain often about how he disliked Dakota’s old shirts. 

“Look, I don't mind if ya got rid of it or somethin’ I won’t be mad.” He babbled softly, “It was gettin’ pretty grungy anyway.” The guilt was just not letting up. 

Cavendish really didn’t register much besides Dakota seemed to…not know. Now in addition to panicking, he felt guilty, like he was trying to sneak his way out of the issue without telling the truth. Oh, this was going to hurt, but somehow, the way Dakota was talking, the sound of that soft rumble…it was becoming an anchor. Cavendish didn’t want it to stop. 

He wanted Dakota to keep talking, even if it was to complain about him taking his clothes.

So Cavendish pulled back the blanket and grabbed his shirt ( _Dakota’s_ shirt) for his partner to see, accompanied by a soft whine he hoped would sound like an apology. At the very least, he must settle that right.

“Oh!” Dakota couldn’t stop the sound from slipping out. He didn't want to admit it, but he actually was a lot more relieved than he thought he would be that his shirt was still around. “Well, it suits ya!” Dakota was very careful to measure his enthusiasm, as it usually was a bit too attached to his volume control. 

He tried not to think about how embarrassed poor Cav must be. He just needed to deflect, distract, and hopefully not detach. “Ha-have you ever seen Pokémon? I think you’d like it. I think I have an old VHS of onna the movies if you wanna...um...when Cars 2 is done I mean...” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Honestly, he preferred explody Cav over quiet Cav, at least explody Cav was talkative. 

_Aren’t you angry with me?_ That was the question Cavendish wanted to ask, but his vocal chords were still refusing to work. Dakota’s words were starting to make sense to him and being more than some vague sounds with ambiguous meaning. Dakota was talking about “Pokémon” (presumably, the thing on his shirt), and that was…nice.

It was then that his vision cleared a little and he realized Dakota was _also_ wearing a cartoon shirt and had a bowl of popcorn on his hands. Was he….? Was he _joining_ him…? 

“Hey, you back with me buddy?” Dakota asked quietly as he noticed Cavendish looking a little more focused. He smiled as his partner glanced at the popcorn. “Ah...sorry I um, I guess I musta got pretty nervous, it's mostly gone already, but I can make another bag if you want.” He hoped his smile was reassuring and not creepy. 

Cavendish was so vulnerable. Dakota wasn't sure what else to do to get on his level. Maybe he could give up something himself, expose his own vulnerability. What though? What did he have that he could…? 

He took off his glasses. 

Cavendish gasped (though it sounded more like a squeal), now completely lost on what Dakota was _doing_. In quick succession, he put his hand over his mouth, pointed at Dakota, flapped briefly, made a vague gesture aimed at nothing and put it on his lips again, this time sucking his fingers slightly instead of biting. Dakota hated taking off his glasses! Cavendish knew it made him feel vulnerable, he had told him that much in the past. Why would he take off his glasses?

Unless…

Dakota _wanted_ to feel vulnerable. Or _appear_ vulnerable. And of course, the first option was absurd, which only left…

_Oh._

Dakota was trying to tell him something, either that they were both in the same boat or that Cavendish was making him uncomfortable. But Dakota didn’t look uncomfortable…his eyes (his beautiful, beautiful dark eyes) seemed to shine with something akin to hope.

Cavendish tilted his head and furrowed, not sure if he was reading the intention right and Dakota was truly trying to relate to him, or he was just being delusional. He didn’t think he could form a proper sentence yet (or even a word), but at least he felt capable of making a sound.

He carefully pointed at the glasses and hummed softly in a questioning tone. For all a mere sound could do, he tried to not sound accusing. He genuinely only wanted to ask.

“What?” Dakota asked, holding back a chuckle at his partner's excitement. It was difficult, he was being downright _adorable._ “You wanna hold ‘em?” He held them out to Cavendish, “Or are you just tryna’ tell me I’m freakin’ cute without ‘em on?” This time he couldn't hold back the gentle chuckle that rolled out of him.

Cavendish took the glasses automatically (he didn’t have intention to do so, but when he was overwhelmed he often reacted in autopilot) when the last part of the sentence hit him. 

Cute. Well, yes, Dakota looked cute, he always did. Cute, attractive, handsome, even hot. Cavendish wasn’t thinking about that before, but now he _was_ , and only Heaven knew the flurry of emotions that unleashed inside him.

In a second, he was almost glowing pink, fidgeting and avoiding Dakota’s gaze. But as the new feeling engulfed the previous ones, Cavendish forgot he was in the middle of a panic attack and his voice returned to him enough to mumble a single word.

“Why?”

Dakota blinked at him, confused, “Why what?” He didn’t miss the blush on Cavendish’s face, it made his heart race a little. “Why’d I take my glasses off? Well you’re all chill and stuff right now so I thought I’d join ya. It’s only fair right? And I trust ya, so why not.” He was still feeling quite nervous, and found himself quite disappointed when the bowl was empty. 

Cavendish fidgeted with the glasses, only daring to side-eye his partner. That sounded…nice. So was Dakota truly okay with this? Could it be that he really just wanted to participate? It could be sarcasm (Cavendish was awful at detecting sarcasm), but he knew his partner’s tones, and that one sounded genuine.

Though he wasn’t completely convinced yet, it was enough for his body to relax a little. He looked at Dakota searching on the empty bowl, and noticed he seemed disappointed about having eaten all the content already. So, as a sort of peace offering, Cavendish reached for another of the candy on the table and handed it to him.

“Oh!” Dakota was surprised again, he hadn’t noticed the stash of candy that Cavendish had on the other side of the couch. Cav eating candy was truly once-in-a-blue-moon. He accepted the offering graciously, “Awe, thanks man, that's really sweet of you...get it, cause it’s candy?” He couldn’t help making the corny joke even though he knew Cavendish wouldn’t appreciate it. He popped the candy into his mouth and found the flavour quite good, but not one he would normally pick himself.

Cavendish huffed at the joke and glanced at Dakota in a way they both knew was meant to be a silent scold. It didn’t last long, though, as he remembered he was still blushing and turned his head away, focused on processing everything now he felt somewhat calmer.

After a bit too long of an awkward silence, Dakota’s need to fill it was too great. “Hey uh...I really like your hair like that, it’s hard to tell how fluffy it is with how you gel it back all the time…” He trailed off a little, uncertain where he was going with it before a nervous thought blurted, “Not that I think it doesn’t look nice normally...I mean, you’re you, you _always_ look nice…” He fidgeted as he babbled, unable to stop himself from doing either, “I just mean it’s...it’s really nice to finally see you more relaxed, or I mean...trying to relax...sorry I messed it up…” 

Dakota’s voice almost startled Cavendish, as he didn’t even realize he had been silent for a while. Regardless, the words were kind of a little strange (did Dakota say he _always_ looked nice...?), so Cavendish clicked his tongue and made an effort to reply.

“I, uh…” Blast, voice still not fully back. He hoped he didn’t sound too strange. “Need easy.”

Dakota had smiled at Cavendish’s response to his joke, but his expression turned more serious when he noticed him making funny little noises. He eyed him, but tried not to seem like he was staring, he knew that was uncomfortable. A smile returned to his face at his partner’s words, “Yeah s’okay bud, we all need a break sometimes, I getcha.” He said he did anyway, the truth was he still had no idea what was really going on, he had put it together mostly, but still part of him was confused. Cavendish being upset at getting walked in on was obvious, Cavendish needing to unwind? Well he was the most wound up person Dakots had ever met, so of course, but this...this was deeper, or at least, it seemed like it. 


	2. (Mis)Communication is Key

Cavendish wanted to believe Dakota was chill with the whole thing, he really wanted to. But the nagging voices of his head were still audible, and he still felt small and frail. He was very, very careful with his wording, knowing well he wouldn’t be able to say much. “You’re not upset,” He enunciated slowly. “This is...I’m…is…” His voice failed him, and the last word came only as a painful whine. “ _ Pathetic. _ ”

Okay, now Dakota was staring at Cavendish, he couldn’t help it, he was completely flabbergasted by what his partner had just said. Cavendish wasn’t just embarrassed, he was completely and utterly  _ ashamed.  _

“Well jeeze Cav, whose shirt are ya wearin’? Who owns a pile a Disney VHS’ that take up way too much room? Who eats anythin’ n’ everythin’ pretty much all the time? Who owns a whole collection of-” He cut himself off, “Oh! Hang on, you don't know about that, right, cause I was afraid t’tell ya, ‘cause you’d probably call it a waste a’ money or get mad at me about it….aannnnddd I’m ramblin’ again, hang on, I’ll be right back.” 

He sprang up from the couch and made his way over to his desk, pulled out his keys, and unlocked his bottom drawer. He pulled out the plastic bin that fit perfectly inside it (finding such a bin had been a pain in the butt) and quickly returned to his partner's side. His smile was shy but also held a hint of excitement that he could finally share this with Cavendish, “These are my animals!” He announced proudly. 

Cavendish took a zebra from the little bin full of animal figurines and frowned. So this was the reason Dakota never paid for the food? Well, it was indeed a waste of money! He couldn’t believe Dakota had been collecting those silly figures behind his back when they-!

The protest died in his throat before he could articulate it, and this time it had nothing to do with his throat not working; but because as he raised his gaze to talk, he saw Dakota’s smile and all his thoughts melted. Oh, well, they made Vinnie happy, like movies and plushies made Cavendish happy…it would be utterly hypocritical to chide him about it, wouldn’t it?

“It’s different when it’s you,” He muttered softly. He left the zebra in the bin and took another animal, a feline he didn’t recognize. What he wanted to say is that it was  _ cute _ when Dakota did it. What he said instead was “You’re fun.”

“Awe shucks Cav, everyone’s gotta have fun  _ sometimes  _ else we’d all be totally miserable. I’m not more fun than you are, I just express it more, but there's nothin’ wrong with that! It’s not like I’ve never seen ya cut loose before,” He picked up the zebra that Cavendish had replaced in the bin, “that’s Patrick, I got him…” His face scrunched a little, “The first time we went to an amusement park.” He pointed at the cat figurine, “That's Nimbus, the clouded leopard, get it, cause nimbus is a type of cloud?” He chuckled a little and sighed, but his face fell quickly, “I got him um...after you left.” He mumbled quietly, looking away. 

Cavendish’s face also fell, and his eyes turned glassy again, his gaze fixed in front of him. It was never pleasant to remember what he did, but he was feeling very guilty about the shirt already, and the idea that Dakota may be still bitter about that accident hit him hard in the stomach. He grabbed the fabric of his blanked and made a tiny noise, his thoughts starting to race again. 

“Oh, oh shoot, no Cav, it’s okay, it’s fine! I mean, it’s a sad thing but that’s okay, sad things happen! An-and um...this- this is Wallace...I got him...after Octalia, or...more after finding you.” He gently moved the baby giraffe figure into Cavendish’s line of sight. “Sorry, I’m a total dummy, I shouldn’t have mentioned it…” 

Cavendish actions were faster than his thoughts and, before he could consider if that was appropriate at all, he took Dakota’s hand with the figure between his own fingers and squeezed it (probably more than it was necessary).

He was not sure what he was trying to accomplish with that. Comforting Dakota? Comforting himself? Accepting the apology or making one of his own? Cavendish wasn’t sure. He only knew at that moment, he had wanted to take Dakota’s hand, and that he hoped that, somehow, would work to articulate what he was incapable of putting into words. Besides, Dakota was warm and soft, and touching his skin (even if briefly) was very, very pleasant. 

He even would say that sometimes it was better than hugging Dennis (but no one dared to say that to him!).

Dakota was startled by Cavendish’s actions and felt his cheeks heat up. It wasn’t as if Cavendish wasn’t usually pretty comfortable with touch, but usually he did it when he was excited or just being over-energetic. For once he wasn’t sure what to say, but nonetheless he still opened his mouth. 

“Heh, yeah, he’s cute isn’t he? He uh..reminded me of you, I donno, I always think of giraffes when I think of you, or...I think of you when I see a giraffe, both I guess…” _ Oh no, oh no...stop stop stop!  _ “You’re just so tall and lanky, and I donno you’re both elegant and silly at the same time, and you both have really long, pretty eyelashes…”  _ Ah no, oh shit no, why can’t I stop!?  _ “Wallace is my favourite, but don’t tell the others okay? I don’t have favourites, favourites aren't fair…” He swallowed heavily, needing to change the subject, he looked around, the movie! “Ah sorry I distracted ya from your movie, looks like it’s done now…” He bit his lip, “Did...were you um...interested in watching Pokémon? It’s okay if ya don't…” Okay, he was really losing it. “I’m gonna make more popcorn!” He suddenly yelped with an awkward raise of volume, but his voice sounded oddly squeaky. He stood sharply and marched away to their tiny makeshift kitchenette. 

Cavendish sat in the same position for a few seconds, despite Dakota was already gone. It was disappointing that he had pulled away his hand at all, Cavendish was enjoying the contact and even thought they were having a moment. Well, obviously not, he clearly has made Dakota uncomfortable with his actions.

He was also a little sad he didn’t get to see his movie, but he was too ashamed to ask to start it again and didn’t want to make Dakota distance even more. The idea his partner wanted to share a cartoon with him and join his silly evening was alluring as it was terrifying. Cavendish craved being accepted, he craved that feeling more than anything in the world; the possibility of cuddling with Dakota and listening to his voice while they watched a colorful movie was too perfect and too tempting to ignore.

But that also meant there was nothing in the world Cavendish feared more than rejection, and if Dakota backed up now, even the tiniest bit…he didn't think he would be able to take it. And that, judging by the fact he clearly went to the kitchenette to avoid him, seemed to be the more plausible outcome.

So he simply sat with the animal bin on his lap and took another figure. A giraffe- no,  _ Wallace _ . What was Dakota babbling about giraffes? That they had pretty eyelashes, like… _ like him _ …? 

Dakota was careful not to slam the microwave door, he pressed the button after throwing a bag in and then headed for the bathroom. He didn't really have to go exactly, he just needed a minute to collect his thoughts, or maybe empty his thoughts, he wasn’t exactly sure. 

Any little move he made could set his partner off, he had to tread carefully but he knew that wasn’t exactly something he was good at. At this rate if he wasn’t careful he was going to end up spilling his guts, he’d already said too much. He sighed, scrubbed some water over his face and headed back out to the kitchenette. Perfect timing. He pulled the door open just a second before the timer went off. 

He sat back down beside Cavendish, this time he ended up overthinking and hesitating a little before actually sitting, how close was  _ too  _ close? He still probably sat too close anyway, only a hair's breadth away from them touching. 

“So didja decide? It’s cool if ya just wanna rewatch Cars 2, it’s a pretty fun movie. Also, here, let’s trade, I really don’t wanna hog it all again.” He offered the bowl to the Brit in exchange for the figurines.

Cavendish tensed at Dakota sitting  _ so close  _ (and that totally didn’t give him the urge to hug him, not at all!), but managed to take the popcorn gracefully enough and return the figurines. He swallowed, trying to not think of why Dakota had gone to the bathroom for a few minutes. He probably only needed to use the restroom, yes, he  _ totally _ wasn’t gone because Cavendish was acting weird, or being too touchy or too quiet.

“I would like to hear about those…Pokémon of yours,” He talked slowly, carefully controlling every syllable so his tone didn’t betray his anxiety. “And I apologize for not respecting your boundaries. I’ll be more careful.” Heavens, that was hard.

_ Please don’t change your mind, please don’t change your mind… _

Dakota wasn’t sure what to address first. The two things Cavendish had just said were both completely surprising in their own way and, naturally, not knowing exactly how to sort his thoughts in a timely manner, his mouth acted on its own, “Wait, what?” 

As soon as it happened he regretted it.  _ No, no, do NOT start with the talking again.  _ He bit his lip, nipping at the dry skin. Why had he given the bowl to Cavendish? He really needed to force himself to just  _ shut up.  _

Cavendish fidgeted, but kept his eyes glued to the black screen in front of him. Well, it was more than obvious that he had messed up. That Dakota had become quiet so suddenly just after he offered his apology could only mean he didn’t have intention to accept it at all. He knew he was sometimes a little…enthusiastic with touch, but Dakota was being quite harsh on his response. He didn’t do it on purpose! Now Cavendish was annoyed.

Dakota didn’t even want to share that show, movie, whatever it was that he was talking about. He looked like he was doing an effort to  _ not _ talk, actually, and that hurt Cavendish deeply. Clearly, he had read the entire thing incorrectly from the beginning. Dakota didn’t have any honest intention to be open with him that night.

The Brit stiffened in place. “The movie is  _ over _ . You can have the popcorn.”

He didn’t try to conceal the clearly upset tone of his voice this time. He felt betrayed and stupid for hoping they could enjoy this together. Swiftly, he put the bowl on Dakota’s lap and took the blanket off him to get up the couch.

“Cav!” Dakota yelped, “Wait, I...what the hell!” He lunged and grabbed his partner’s arm then immediately retreated, both because he didnt want to upset Cavendish more and because he'd barely managed to stop the popcorn from going flying. “Ah...s-sorry, I shouldn't a grabbed ya like that! Look I’m sorry for bein’ so weird right now, okay? I’m just really tryin’ to make ya feel better but I must be fuckin’ up real bad or somethin’ cause you're just gettin’ more and more upset and I’m tryin’ really hard but I’m nervous and now I’m just talking in circles-” He sucked in a huge breath and continued his cascade, “And I’m really sorry I just...you said them both at once and I didn’t know what to say and you know me my mouth runs itself and I just was confused about why you were apologising and also excited you said you wanted to watch the movie and I just...just…” He scooped up a massive handful of popcorn and shoved it in his mouth. He didn’t know how else to stop himself. The guilt was swelling again, and so were tears.  _ No. No nononono I am not going to cry in front of Cavendish he's freaked out enough already!  _ He swallowed the popcorn and sniffled roughly, “I’m really sorry...you just wanted a nice night to yourself and I came in and totally messed it up...I tried to force you to share it with me, and I shouldn't have…” He finally felt like his thoughts were slowing down a little. “I just...I wanted you to know that I really think it’s great I wanna get to know this side of you-”  _ Oh my god stop, stop before you say something you REALLY regret!  _ He shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth and looked at Cavendish, feeling helpless.

Cavendish sat again slowly as his partner ranted, eyes wide and filled with confusion. He was mortified. Upset? He wasn’t  _ upset _ , he was embarrassed! Sure, Dakota should have warned him about him coming back early, but what had really scared him was being mocked at during such a vulnerable moment. He wasn’t upset! Why did Dakota think he was upset? 

He was so caught up on that detail that he barely registered the rest. Dakota mentioned being confused and then he apologized for messing his night (well, perhaps he did!) and then said he thought it was great and…

Hold on.

That last part…Cavendish tried to go back over it mentally.  _ Shared it with me. I think it’s great. I wanna get to know this side of you.  _

Well, now he was completely confused all over again!

“I’m not upset!” Cavendish blurted before he could stop himself. “Well, I am now, but I wasn’t before. I thought you were going to…”  _ Hate me _ . “...hate this, but then you joined, and then you left, and then you seemed to be okay with it, but then you just refused to talk with me! Don’t you  _ dare _ scream at me like I haven’t tried! You’re the one that keeps changing his mind!”

He regretted yelling immediately, because it was only then that he properly looked at Dakota and saw him lost and stressed, shoving popcorn into his mouth and what Cavendish was almost sure were a few tears building on his eyes. 

He averted his gaze. He needed a minute. Just a minute to process…

Dakota just stared at a vague spot on the floor.  _ Shit, was I yelling? Was I really doing those things?  _ He was about to try to say something but stopped when he saw his partner was in processing mode. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed his palms into his eyes. They were getting a little sore, even in the darkness, and coupled with the stress he could feel a tension headache starting to build. He bit his lip again. He just had to let Cavendish think. 

It didn’t take Cavendish a minute, but rather almost eight, to completely go over the entire evening and slowly put the pieces of the jumbled puzzle in his head in a way it made sense. Now he thought about it again, it seemed quite obvious that he hadn’t been the most…clear about his feelings. Dakota  _ may _ have been justified in being confused and startled by his behavior after all. 

Or not, but Cavendish didn’t entirely care as long as that made Dakota feel better  _ now _ . He didn’t see his chill partner upset often, but when it happened, it just kicked a part of Cavendish that really shoved everything else away (his anxiety, his quirks, even his attachment to rules) to focus solely on making sure Dakota was okay.

Dakota had distracted himself from, well, everything, during the wait by going over all the animals at the zoo in alphabetical order and by their native habitat. He was at  _ okapi _ when Cavendish finally spoke up. 

“You’re right. You were trying to be nice and I was acting irrationally,” Cavendish spoke softly this time, without daring to look at Dakota. Though those were his honest feelings at the moment, he was also not used to being so blunt about them, and it made his chest feel tight. “You haven’t belittled me and I’m thankful for that. I would still like to…uh…I would still like to try this again. If it’s alright with you.” He fidgeted, trying to steady his breathing. 

Cavendish hated handing the little control he had, but this was important. Dakota was almost  _ crying _ . He could never forgive himself if he made Dakota cry.

“Awe Cav, of course I wouldn’t make fun of you, isn’t it great we have more things in common!?” Dakota was quite excited by the conclusion Cavendish had drawn, “Of course we can start over! I’m really glad we got this figured out now, and it’s okay about you bein’ irrational, I’m glad you realised that’s what was happening, I know it’s really hard to tell it’s just anxiety.” 

He hopped up from the couch and headed over to his VHS pile. He dug through it a bit and finally found it, the first Pokémon movie. “So you still wanna give it a shot?” He asked with a hint of playfulness, shaking the tape for emphasis. 

Cavendish held back the urge to tell Dakota that even if it was true he had not been the best at communicating, Dakota also hadn't helped much with his inconsistent reactions and well, the fact he was the one interrupting in the first place. He bit his tongue, now things seemed to be improving, he didn’t want to be the one starting a new argument. Surely Dakota was merely too excited about the movie to realize what he just said.

“I suppose I would like that, yes.” Cavendish replied, straightening a little and recovering quite a bit of his usual more uptight tone. He slick his hair back with his hand out of habit. He might be okay with sharing that new part of him with Dakota now, but not all of it, or at least, not  _ all _ at once.

“Awe, Cav, I like it fluffy! It looks so cute like that!”  _ Shit, stupid blurty mouth! _ He could feel himself blushing and quickly turned to set up the movie. It took him a minute to rewind it (because of course he hadn’t rewound it the last time) before it was ready to play. “Okay! It’s ready!” He declared, pressing play and returning to the couch. 

“It certainly doesn’t look ‘cute’,” Cavendish mumbled, but regardless he slowed down the movement. He looked away thankful the lights were still low, because he was pretty sure he was blushing (and it was  _ not _ because he thought for a moment Dakota had called  _ him _ cute, not the hairstyle; and it was  _ not _ because upon realizing it was not the case he actually felt disappointed).

Dakota rolled his eyes and smiled, “To me it does-!” He bit himself back from saying more. He definitely didn't want to end up saying he wanted to fluff it up for him, he really didn’t want to make his partner more uncomfortable than he already had. Though judging by how Cavendish was glancing away, he had once again failed.

Cavendish’s eyes fell over the sunglasses resting at his side. He had totally forgotten he had taken them before, and for that matter, even that Dakota wasn’t wearing them. Oh, he guessed that explained why Dakota felt so strange, or rather, why Cavendish was feeling so strange about Dakota. He just looked so approachable and…handsome without the glasses. Cavendish really wanted to hold Dakota’s face and run a finger over his cheek, and look him directly into the eyes and-

“Your glasses!” The Brit almost yelped, face burning. He quickly corrected his voice so it sounded scolding instead, and handed them to his partner with a frown. “You shouldn’t be looking at bright screens in the dark without them, Dakota. It’s bad for your eyes.”

Dakota was startled by Cavendish’s sudden cry and jumped a little. “Ah heh...yeah, ya know, it’s funny, part of why I hardly take ’em off even when I can, is cause I don’t wanna forget to put em back on or misplace em or somethin’.” He smiled and ran a hand through his hair, why was he still feeling so nervous? “I knew you’d keep them safe for me though.” 

“Put them on,” Cavendish all but demanded. Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that with the color filter, it would be less likely for Dakota to notice his blush. “And give me the bowl. If you eat another one, you’re certainly going to get sick.”

Dakota blinked and frowned. Well, it seemed like Cav was really getting back to his usual self. Dakota was a bit bummed, but he simply gave a quiet sigh and complied. He slipped on his glasses and his world darkened, but the TV became much easier to look at. 

Cavendish regarded the popcorn, hummed softly and very, very carefully (like it was some kind of highly toxic substance) took a single piece and put it in his mouth, making sure it didn’t touch his lips in the process. He was taking eating popcorn so seriously he looked quite ridiculous. Still, Cavendish chewed slowly but happily, enjoying the taste of the butter on his tongue (which he liked a lot, but rarely indulged in). He let a small smile form in his lips as que took a second piece. Ah, this was starting to feel right again.

The Brit looked at the screen, which was showing a group of explorers talking about the “legendary Pokemon Mew”, and blinked confused. What was a “Mew”? Or a Pokémon, for that matter? And what did they mean it was legendary? Was it some kind of extinct animal? He guessed the pink creature on the screen was supposed to be that, but it didn’t look menacing in any way. Besides, what was it? Why was it floating? Maybe it was magical, a mythical creature? And it was species or just that one? And…?

Dakota eyed Cavendish very carefully, trying not to let the British man catch on to the fact that he was being watched, rather than the movie. When Cavendish started very slowly eating the popcorn piece by piece with careful, graceful actions Dakota couldn’t help but bite his lip and smile. He had the most adorable, puzzled look too, and it was only then it occurred to him that his partner was going into it with absolutely no pretext. Oops. Maybe this wasn’t the best movie after all!

Cavendish’s face scrunched as he tried to make sense of the new information (and it had been barely a minute), he squinted his eyes at the screen while he carefully chewed another piece of popcorn. 

“Dakota, what is that creature?” Cavendish asked, licking the butter from his finger (and stopping immediately when he noticed he was doing so, shoving his hand against his lap instead). “The pink one.”

“That’s mew, they just explained it. Mew is a pokémon, pokémon are like...animals with special powers and some are really rare. There’s only one mew in the whole world, that's why it’s a legend.” He explained patiently, “People in the world of pokémon collect them and train them, kinda like pets, but not exactly. Most pokémon are smarter than normal animals too, some can even talk...” He realized he was starting to ramble again and trailed off, not wanting to interrupt the movie any more than was necessary. 

“Oh, so they are like mythical creatures. I like the white one with the eggshell,” Cavendish pointed at the screen, which currently was displaying the main Pikachu and Togepi playing together. He usually wasn’t very talkative during movies, but considering the circumstances, he really didn’t want an awkward silence to happen. “It’s rather cute.”

Cavendish found the whole premise quite endearing…that is, until a Pokémon trainer challenged the main character and they started to fight. Or rather, their Pokémon did.

“Dakota, what’s happening? They are fighting! Why are they fighting?” Cavendish was seriously offended by that. That was like making your pet fight, wasn’t it? No, Dakota did say they’re fully conscious and some even talked, so it was even worse! “Why is no one calling the police? Someone is going to get hurt!” He gasped dramatically at one of the creatures getting defeated.

Dakota chuckled, it was very endearing to see his partner so concerned. “It's okay Cav, it’s like I said, they weren’t  _ exactly  _ like pets. Battles are just something they do, but if the pokémon don’t wanna do it they don’t, they just won't listen or might even run away. It’s like a sport, they make sure they’re evenly matched. The trainers get rewarded when they win, and the pokémon grow and get stronger when they train and battle.” He hoped that explanation was enough, though, being honest he wasn’t super fond of most of the battles himself. Thinking about it, there were some times it wasn’t so bad, “Oh, and sometimes they have to battle to protect themselves from bad guys, like pokémon thieves and other pokémon who are bullies and stuff. The police in the pokemon world even have doggy pokémon that help them out!” Aah...there he went again, not knowing when to stop. He felt a pang of grumpiness over Cavendish taking the bowl from him, but he knew he’d only done it out of care, and that made it better. Besides that, Cavendish was finally getting to eat some and he had some truly  _ adorable  _ eating habits. 

Cavendish huffed and grumbled, seemingly not entirely sold on the legitimacy of the violence, but accepted it as a harmless thing in the setting of the story. As the movie went on, he kept asking questions and listening to Dakota’s answers without any more complaints, and when he noticed Dakota kept glancing at the popcorn, he even offered some to him (albeit he made sure Dakota never took more than a maximum of two pieces every time, and he had properly chewed and swallowed the previous ones before taking more). He also made his partner pause the movie once to get a water bottle and two glasses, and nagged Dakota to drink at least a full glass to compensate for the salt of the popcorn. It was important to stay hydrated.

The Brit was feeling…quite comfortable with the situation, or at least more than he thought he would. The movie was a little hard to follow at times, but it was pretty to look at and the ideas were interesting (and Cavendish did find the struggles of the cloned creature to be extremely tragic), the popcorn was good even if he ended only eating a little, and well, Dakota was sitting at his side, so close he could feel the warm radiating from him. Cavendish had been scooting closer without realizing, and by the time he decided to cover himself with the plush blanket again, he was so close to Dakota it seemed almost rude not to offer.

“Oh, sorry, I was just trying…” he mumbled nervously when his movements alerted his partner. “I was getting rather chilly, but I can go get a sweater instead. If you would like to use the blanket, I mean…”

Dakota cocked his head at that. “Well, y’know I’m like a space heater right?”  _ No, no, no, Cav would never, what are you doing, WHAT are you DOING?!  _ “You c’n ah...get closer...if you wanna warm up…” He hesitated, his cheeks were burning and his heart was pounding.  _ Oh shit, oh shit I’m an idiot I just basically asked him to cuddle, what is WRONG with me!?  _ “I don’t mind, I mean, not that I don’t mind, I mind but like, in a good way like um...”  _ No, no no no no!  _ He had to stop!  _ Stop now stop! _ “You could like, lean on me or whatever....m-maybe rest your head on my...on...” He had nothing to shove in his mouth and he couldn’t stop the words tumbling from his mouth, “I would like it...if you want to-” suddenly the frustration was too much. _ “FUCK!”  _

_ Oh no.  _


	3. Too Much, Too Little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry for taking so long with this I legitimately forgot about it!

The bowl of popcorn fell into the floor with a loud thump.

“Beg your pardon?” Cavendish blurted. He looked positively  _ white _ , only teal eyes staring at Dakota, or more accurately,  _ through  _ Dakota. “If I wanted to do WHAT?”

_ Shitshitshitshit  _

“Cav I didn’t- I- I don't mean- I wasn’t trying to... _ FUCK! _ ” 

Things were really getting out of hand. Again.

“I’m sorry I’m just having aliltrouble w-with mywords r-rightnow!” He immediately replied, far too loudly and so quickly the words melded together. “I didn’tmeanto freakin’ swear I just...ARGH!” He let out a frustrated growl and threw his hands up over his face. “I just...I just w-wanted you to know that I-I’m- I mean, you probably wouldn’t even, but you just were scooching closer and I didn’t want you to think...I donno...fuck…” this time the word fell in a pained whisper as he trailed off. 

Cavendish stared silently, not moving a single muscle. Though his eyes were still glued in front of him, it was clear his mind had wandered away. Slowly but steadily, the white on his face was replaced by intense blushing, until he looked thoroughly crimson. Cavendish was so still one would question if he was even breathing.

Inside his head, however, the picture was completely different. All his internal voices were screaming, and all of them were arguing.  _ He just basically told you to kiss him! Go for it! _ some said.  _ Are you INSANE? This is completely unprofessional! Isn’t it bad enough that you are watching cartoons and eating junk food, now you want to make out with your co-worker? _ Said others.  _ You don’t have to make out, all he said is that he wanted to cuddle. You know how MUCH you want to cuddle with him, come on… _ another voice.  _ That’s impossible! Why would he want that? Remember, he’s Dakota, he could have whoever he wanted. What makes you think that under any circumstance he would choose YOU? _

_ But…he did invite me. _

_ He cannot like me. _

_ But he- _

_ Stop. Something is wrong. _

Cavendish was abruptly kicked out of his trance, feeling immensely hot due the blush covering his face and immensely cold due the icy sweat forming on it. Dakota was freaking out. He was alternating between almost yells and whispers, his hands here over his face, and he looked so…distressed. Cavendish frowned. It was because of him? It was because he yelled? Or for what he said? Well, what else was he supposed to answer to  _ that _ ? He legitimately had though for a moment Dakota was proposing him to have sex at that exact spot!

Cavendish shoved down the voice that whispered to him that, eventually, he would have to admit he also wanted that. Not the time. Now, he really needed to say something.

“Yes,” It was simple, it was short, it was soft and it was hesitant. But it was something, and it would stop Dakota from spiraling more. At the very least, Cavendish hoped so.

Dakota's own head was being so loud he almost didn't hear the murmur that slipped from his partner’s lips. He stilled completely, and a sliver of watery, tinted-lense covered eye peeked through his sturdy fingers. 

Now his words failed him. 

He sat there and simply breathed as his head exploded.  _ Yes. yes he said yes. You heard him! He wants to! Cavendish WANTS to! Reply! Move! Say something! DO something.  _ He didn’t move.  _ Do something!  _ He still didn’t move.  _ For fuck’s sake MOVE!  _

_ Shit.  _

It was like letting go of a stretched rubber band. 

Aimed straight at Cavendish. 

“Good heavens!” Cavendish yelped, and in a blink he was on the floor, and Dakota was over him, and he could  _ feel _ their bodies touching and Cavendish had never wished more sincerely that he was wearing more layers. Many, many more layers. “Dakota! What are you doing? You  _ tackled _ me!”

In what he only registered was a bad idea after already doing it, Cavendish took Dakota by the cheeks and made him look him in the eyes, trying to make him focus, or scold him, or just attempting to  _ understand _ , he wasn’t sure. 

Dakota just stared at him, his eyes were wide, and his breathing was heavy and erratic, as if he was in shock at what had just happened despite being the perpetrator. Cavendish’s hands felt surprisingly cool against his burning cheeks, he wished that he could just melt into them.

For a second, Cavendish let a wandering thought about how pretty Dakota’s eyes were go through his head. 

Then it hit him.

They were on the floor, Dakota was  _ over _ him, their clothes were doing a completely awful job at maintaining any sense of distance between their skin and, of all things, Cavendish had decided to grab his partner’s face and basically put it a mere inches from his lips. 

_ Blast! _

He wanted to shove Dakota away, flee outside the apartment and basically cease to exist out of embarrassment. This was ridiculous, he was acting like a horny teenager! Bad, bad Balthazar (and it was no excuse he didn’t plan it that way). He  _ should _ do that, but if he did, would Dakota freak out again? It had been so difficult for them to reach a sort of comfortable point that night! Why did everything need to be so complicated? Cavendish froze, not knowing what to do. If he stayed that way, Dakota would get upset he was touching him; but if he moved, Dakota would be upset he was rejecting him again. He started to tremble, lips so pressed together it was the only part of him that wasn’t pink.

And that didn’t even factor the part of his brain that desperately wanted to  _ kiss _ .

Dakota suddenly felt strangely exhausted, or maybe he just felt relaxed for some reason. He didn't know anymore, he didn’t care, it didn’t matter he just felt  _ done.  _

He sighed and relaxed. His eyes drifted closed as he pressed his face into his partner’s hands and with every movement he made he felt his weight dropping more against Cavendish. Right now he just wanted to bury his face in his partner's neck. Hands were nice, but necks? Necks were amazing. He couldn't though, no, there was no way…

It was happening though. 

He felt like he was falling as he pushed his face down and let himself pin his partner. He felt some little prickle somewhere warning him of things, like that he was going to squish the twig of a man, or that he didn't know if Cavendish was okay with this, or that Cavendish had to be freaking out, but Cavendish had already said  _ yes.  _ He already had permission, he just wanted to sleep now. 

“Dakota…?” Cavendish took a few moments to register that his partner was  _ definitely  _ getting closer, and not in some deliberate motion. It was more like...he had stopped holding his own body altogether. Cavendish was incredibly worried now. “Dakota, are you okay? A-are you losing consciousness? Do you have fever? You’re burning! Oh dear, oh dear…Dakota, please, y-you need to stay with me and tell me what’s wrong. If you feel sick, we have to get you to the hospital right now.”

He wasn’t sure what was appropriate for his partner if he was having some kind of meltdown or fainting, but since he seemed to be leaning into him, Cavendish decided a hug seemed logical. He pressed Dakota’s head against his neck with a hand and trailed the other over his back.

“I’m here, I’m here. I need you to tell me what is happening. It’s going to be alright, we will fix it. You are going to be alright. I’m here,” Cavendish reassured, softly petting Dakota’s hair. The Brit swallowed his anxiety, hoping that was the correct way of dealing with the situation. He felt more than a little flustered about keeping his partner so close, but he needed to know what was wrong and how to help. His panic would have to wait.

_ Cavendish was touching his hair. Cavendish was hugging him.  _

Dakota’s whole body was tingling and he heaved a massive, drawn out sigh. His arms curled tighter around his partner and he snuggled against him tighter, pressing his face further into Cavendish’s neck. 

He smelled so nice. Even after the day the scents of aftershave, shaving cream and cologne clung to him. Flowery, airy, and a tiny hint of musk. It was such a perfect blend.

He could tell his partner was upset too, but he was barely awake, he knew he had to say something, but unpredictable as his voice had been today, it apparently wasn't yet done with its disobedience. He could feel it building before it really started, and he knew he was doomed to just let it happen once it did. 

The deep, rumbling purr rolled out of him, as natural and elegant as if he actually were a cat. It vibrated and resonated from somewhere deep inside him, and rose to quite a volume before slowly subsiding to a soft sweet, hum. 

_ It's okay Cav, I’m fine, just sleepy.  _

Cavendish, unfortunately, couldn’t read minds, and he was also not entirely sure what the purring meant. For all he knew, it could be a breathing issue, or some kind of snore, or a strange-sounding growl of discomfort! He was becoming more and more anxious about his partner, fearing that somehow, he had caused him to  _ break _ . 

“Dakota, I know you don’t feel well right now, but if you’re conscious,  _ please _ , I need to move. You’re pining me,” Cavendish whispered softly on Dakota’s ear, hoping some of the message would go through. “It’s alright, I’m here. I, uh, I’ll keep holding you if that’s what you need, but we have to get off the floor.”

He didn’t know what else to do, so he gently squeezed Dakota’s shoulder with one hand while the other buried into his messy locks again. Cavendish was scared to move in case it made it worse. “Please…”

Cavendish sounded very uncomfortable now, and even in his sleepy state Dakota knew that hard floors were not kind to skinny bodies, he knew that from experience, though it seemed a lifetime ago now. He grumbled apologetically and finally managed to rumble out a few words, “M’okay Cav, jus’ sleepy, s’rry f’r pinnin ya…” He managed, hoping his sleepy slur was still clear enough for his partner to understand. “Kinna too tired t’move, s’rry, I didn’meana falsleeponya…” 

“You scared me for no reason!” Cavendish scolded with an affected whisper (in case loud sounds bothered Dakota), though he couldn’t avoid the immense relief in his voice. “Now, I know you’re really tired and it’s hard to move, but we can’t stay here. If you make the effort to sit up on your own, I promise I will carry you to the couch and we can hug again,”  _ What are you doing? You can’t bribe him with that!  _ “Maybe we should unfold the bed so you can rest properly...”  _ What’s your problem? He could be feeling sick and all you care about is that you want to keep cuddling?! _

Cavendish frowned. It was not that he wanted to cuddle! ...not entirely, anyway. He just wanted to make sure Dakota was okay, and for some reason, he was seemingly enjoying the contact a lot. Once the brunette would fall asleep properly on a bed, as he should, Cavendish would have time to clean the room, stop the tv and put everything back where it belonged, including the shirt he was wearing. He sighed, wishing he could just snuggle Dakota the rest of the night.

What he could get, however, Cavendish would take. He was too emotionally drained from the day to try to pretend he wasn’t enjoying Dakota’s touch, voice and smell perhaps a little too much.

Dakota let out a long, hot breath through his nose as if he were letting off steam. Then he wriggled a little, then he gathered momentum with a few false starts before he managed to roll off of Cavendish and onto the floor. 

Ugh. The floor really was still terribly uncomfortable, even with a decent layer of fat padding him from it now. It was cold and immediately made his back hurt, and though he was trying not to let them get to him, there were more than a few memories prodding at him now that were only adding to the discomfort of the situation. He let out an irritated groan and rolled over again, away from his partner, curling up and ending up in child's pose. 

This was particularly uncomfortable on his knees and really didn't help. With another groan that was more of a defiant growl, he managed to sit up and bring his legs under him so that he was sitting cross-legged.

He looked at Cavendish with a dopey, half lidded expression, as if he were saying  _ there, I did it, aren’t ya proud of me _ ? He felt almost high, his mind was foggy and his thoughts were muddled. He knew he had started rocking now, but there was nothing he could do to stop it except for flopping forward onto his face or lying down, and then Cavendish would scold him for not listening. He didn’t want to rock in front of Cavendish, he’d managed to avoid doing it for so long, but he didn’t want to upset Cavendish any more, even though the rocking would probably confuse and upset him more anyway. 

Cavendish stretched a little once he could move, and by the time he was on his feet (slower than he would like, but it didn’t seem convenient to move too fast) he was dusting himself off out of habit. He looked at his partner.  _ Poor Dakota. It really has been too much all at once. _ Dakota was rocking, and looked lost and scared, and Cavendish didn’t even dare to allow his mind to wonder about it. He had a lot of thoughts and feelings of his own to deal with, but for now he needed to press pause and keep his word. 

“Very well, that’s good. Now…” He got closer and bent in front of Dakota. This wasn’t the ideal position to lift weight, precisely, but Cavendish was sure he could manage. “Up you go,” The Brit put his hands under Dakota’s armpits and with a quite impressive display of strength, managed to lift his body.

Dakota’s eyes popped open wide as he was getting scooped up like a ragdoll. He’d been well aware for a while that his partner was significantly stronger than he looked, it wasn’t even the first time he’d ever been in his partner’s arms, but this situation was very,  _ very  _ different from any of those other times.

It was a struggle for Cavendish to straighten up with Dakota on his arms, but once he was on his feet it was easier to keep going. Without thinking, Cavendish lowered his hands to his partner’s bottom and, with a little jump, placed his body against his chest; Dakota’s legs embracing his thin waist and his curly head resting against his shoulder. It really was like hugging a giant plushie.

Dakota couldn’t help the little squeak that was jostled out of him, Cavendish’s hands were...he had...Dakota’s face was burning as the entirely inappropriate kind of tingle for the given situation lit him up.  _ Shit shit shit shit.  _

“Good boy,” Cavendish whispered to him, though he immediately bit his tongue. No, that sounded condescending, it was not what he wanted to say. “I mean, good job.”

Cavendish had corrected himself, but it was too late. 

_ Good boy.  _

Oh no. 

Dakota whimpered as his head spun and things started to get fuzzy again. Only it was an entirely different kind of fuzzy. 

Cavendish was concerned about the whimper. He hoped he hadn’t hurt Dakota accidentally when he was lifting him. “It’s okay, I’m still here;” He offered again, unsure if that was helping at all, but not knowing what else to say.

Cavendish pressed Dakota against his body a little more to make sure he was secured (now a hand on his bottom and the other on his hair) and turned around to the couch. He paused a moment, trying to mentally calculate his movements to leave Dakota safely in the limited space. Once he would put his partner down, Cavendish could also check his temperature and pulse, to make sure the root was merely tiredness.

He gripped Dakota and carefully bent over the couch to fit his body between the pillows. He was starting to feel very, very flustered indeed, especially when at the end of his action, he was basically leaning all over a sprawling Dakota. He had stopped long ago hearing the movie or caring about his clothes or hair. For the moment, his partner was all that mattered.

He should be backing off, he should have backed off the moment Dakota’s back touched the couch. 

But he didn’t.

Dakota stared up at him, blinked, then an all too cheeky smile pulled up only one side of his mouth. Cavendish might not have been comfortable with Dakota on him on the floor, but now he was on the couch, and Cav was on top, surely a much more comfortable arrangement. 

Cavendish was strong but so was he, and now he pulled his partner the rest of the way down with ease. He wasn’t about to negotiate. Still, he could tell Cavendish was far too tense and worried to just cuddle.

The Brit yelped with a small high-pitched sound, but didn’t actually resist. Before he knew it, he was laying down on Dakota completely, his face so  _ close _ Cavendish though he was going to explode. He quickly moved his head to the side, but there was only so much one could pick when trapped between the arms of another person, and so all what Cavendish managed to do was put his face on Dakota’s shoulder instead. 

And now, that was  _ definitely _ cuddling.

“Cav, m’fine, relax, ’k? Promise, ’m jus’ sleepy, n’ maybe a li’l horny, bu’s’okay…” Oops. “Uh...I mean…’m sure y’din’t meanta…” His mumbly rumbling was getting quieter and less cohesive. “Y’re jus’ too...mmh...jus’stay here, this’s fine…” 

Cavendish stiffened in place, his breathing irregular and panicked. Did Dakota say…did he say “horny”...? No, impossible, that couldn’t be right. He surely was misunderstanding Dakota’s words, which was easy considering the almost jumbled mess they were now. Still, no matter how hard Cavendish wanted to pretend he didn’t, he knew he had understood the last part.

_ Just stay here. _

There was a prolonged sound of static, the distinct feeling everything was twitching wildly around them, and soon the voices in his head were back. This time, however, they were all screaming at once and not a single word from it was clear enough to put apart. Cavendish just stood still, barely breathing, trying to process his situation enough to react.

There was a whisper behind the voices, a soft sound that grew louder and louder and louder, until it drowned any other sound on his head.  _ DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT. _

So Cavendish did it.

He gingerly placed his face against Dakota’s neck (he smelled so wonderful, like coconut and forest and old furniture and warm) and placed the most brief, uncertain tiny kiss on the skin. 

The brush of his partner’s mustache against his skin was intensely ticklish, and Dakota couldn’t avoid scrunching his neck and shoulder together. The feeling woke him up a little and a strange snorting sound came up from somewhere in his throat. What was Cav doing getting that close in his neck? Well, he supposed he had done the same, so it was only fair.

With his face heating up, Cavendish quickly put his head back to Dakota’s chest like a kid trying to hide that they had taken a piece of candy not meant for them; and simply worked on slowing down his breath and his heart. He held his breath, fearing a bigger reaction; but when it didn’t come, he assumed Dakota was too sleepy to have noticed the kiss, and his whole body relaxed with a relieved sight.

Dakota mirrored his partner and let out his own rumbling, contented sigh. He didn’t have much energy to move, but he wanted to show his affection. Slowly, lazily, he pulled his hand up closer to Cavendish’s neck. He was in a privileged position, with his particular fashion sense and modesty, it was exceedingly rare that the Brit’s neck was at his disposal and now that it was he was going to take full advantage. 

Cavendish tensed when he felt Dakota’s fingers on his neck, not sure what that meant. Well actually, how did they reach this point in the first place? They were watching a movie, he only had wanted to share the blanket and now- now somehow they were (not cuddling,  _ definitely _ not cuddling) laying down together on the couch. For a moment, he legitimately feared Dakota was going to grab him by the shirt neck and push him away. 

Instead, Dakota gently rubbed his thumb over the base of his neck, softly massaging and continuing his movement being very slow and deliberate, stroking around his ear and gently brushing his soft silver hair back, just the way he liked it.

Cavendish was as confused as he was relieved, but above all that, he was  _ giddy _ . Was Dakota petting his hair? That felt good, that felt very very good. The brunette hadn't been lying earlier: he was _ exactly _ like a space heater, warm and pleasant, and the way he was caressing the Brit’s skin was making him almost delirious. The soft rumble in Dakota’s chest was lulling Cavendish to a quiet, blissed state, and he was starting to feel really sleepy. A lot had happened that evening, and only now he realized he was also exhausted.

The voices in his head slowly faded away and left his mind quiet, but this time the silence wasn’t icy and painful. This time, it was warm and cozy and reassuring. If Cavendish let a very soft pleased hum roll out of him, he didn’t realize.

Dakota purred again a final time and pulled his hand back down, placing it back where it had been. He snuggled down a little, and finally was content to let himself sleep. 

Cavendish was almost entirely gone when a last, lingering thought crossed his mind.

_ Glasses… _

He took both his and Dakota’s glasses and groggily put them away (where? He wasn’t sure, nor did he care); and with a last purr of bliss, Cavendish fell asleep listening to the low rumble of his partner’s chest.


End file.
